Blessings

It's easy for me to look back at different life situations I've been through, and compare them to other situations throughout my life, and feel completely blessed.  But I feel it's more special to look at my life right now and know I've got a good thing going here.  I have the best life partner I could ever ask for; to be with someone who truly loves me just as I am is nothing short of a miracle.  I have sweet little animals around me that remind me of what innocence, dependence and responsibility are all about.  I love my God and the fullness I feel understanding his nature from time to time, it's a nature I seek after always through his word, spirit, and love.  I feel fortunate to be able to discern  between spirit and logic, and know both can exist together in my life.  Most of all, I am grateful to be fully aware of just how blessed I am. 

XOXO

An Essential Thanksgiving Guide

Anyone who knows me even slightly, knows that Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday!  I love Thanksgiving more than Christmas!  For me Thanksgiving represents everything I love most:  Family, friends, games, cooking, entertaining, cool Fall weather, beautiful Fall colors, and it's the kick off to the holiday season in general.

via

The New York Times published a fantastic guide for Thanksgiving meals HERE!  Scroll through the article and recipes; I'm sure you'll find something delicious to cook this year.  Please note Green Bean Casserole is not listed in this guide, thank goodness!

Are you hosting Thanksgiving this year?

What are some of your essential dishes?

XOXO

Essential Thanksgiving Guide HERE!

Chapter Eleven: Life after my Amputation

I shared why my leg was amputated on J&J Chronicles a couple years ago HERE.  And I've wrote about a few learning experiences about being an amputee HERE and HERE; even my husband shared his thoughts about life with an amputee wife HERE.
  
Many people know me, or have read my story and commented on how strong and brave I was; I truly am grateful for those compliments.  But what some may not know is that the bravery and strength come after the amputation.  There is so much that I miss about my life before my amputation, at times I feel guilty for taking those days of somewhat easy mobility for granted.  There are days when the little changes that individually seem like nothing, but summed as a whole, overwhelm me.  I miss wearing jeans or pants in general, I miss all the wonderful shoes I owned before my amputation, I miss having two feet the same size, I miss mountain biking, and the ability to walk up to a river and decide to stroll through it if I wanted.  

The day after my amputation, May 4,2008.

Life after my amputation is the challenge and will be the challenge for the rest of my life; some days I'm okay with that, and some days I'm just tired.  Some days it takes all I've got to get out of bed and put on my leg, and some days, I don't get out of bed and prefer to not even acknowledge my prosthetic.

I've learned that real bravery and strength are tested and applied after the amputation.  This philosophy is true with any challenge we face isn't it?  People talk about the event that caused the chain reaction that changes their lives forever, but the they rarely talk about what happens after that event.  Most put on a happy face in public and go home and flounder in sorrow alone.  After losing a loved one, losing a limb, losing a dear friend, being diagnosed with an incurable decease, or even having our hearts broken from time to time; how does one find strength after these kinds of life changing events? 

Some mock blogging as an online journal, as if sharing ones life is wrong or stupid, and imply that personal events should be kept private in a journal stuffed under a mattress.  The word blog is short for Web Log, so it is safe to say blogs are in fact online journals.  Before computers and the internet people kept journals for their posterity, to document genealogies, to write about life as it was happening to them; and thank goodness!  Today people still keep these kinds of records; which is important.  But in the world of blogging we have an opportunity to share our lives and special experiences with the world, or those who read our blogs.  I blog to share my experiences, not to show off and not for attention; but for the purpose of offering support to others who may need that extra bit of strength to get out of bed in the morning.
    

My beautiful legs.

In my opinion it's not enough to just go on living after a life altering event, it's more important to go on happy and positive, with an attitude of progression and moving forward.  It's important to acknowledge the hard days, but focus on the good days - in fact magnify those good days.  Pretending you're not hurting is an uncertain and lonely road.  We can progress much faster and healthier with support from others; letting people in to help you is brave.  I know it's scary and you may feel vulnerable when you admit you need help, and don't have a clue about what you're doing, but as soon as you open up, people always step in to help, and there is your strength! 

What "amputation" are you dealing with?
How do you find strength and bravery?

###

Don't miss a post!

Like Millee-Margaret Facebook page HERE!

Ten misses and loves!

Joseph and I were running errands yesterday and we began talking about the things we missed from our life when we lived in Utah.  Here are our top then things we miss about Utah!

 1.  Being close to our families and children.
 2.  Being close to our friends.
 3.  Our chickens (homesteading in general).
 4.  Our fire pit in our back yard.
 5.  Cooking food in our fire pit in our back yard.
 6.  Cold and delicious tap water!  Texas tap water is not good. 
 7.  Tandoori Oven! (The best Indian restaurant is in Logan.)
 8.  Beautiful mountains and canyons.
 9.  Seeing big game wildlife (deer, moose, and wild turkeys).
10. Dairy/Farm country.

We also thought about what we love about our life in Texas; here are our top ten things we love about Texas!

 1.  Workings for ourselves!
 2.  Sky-scapes.  What Texas lacks in mountains, it makes up for with beautiful huge clouds!
 3.  Killer thunderstorms.
 4.  Rusty Taco!  Can't go wrong with two dollar fresh tacos.
 5.  Long growing seasons.
 6.  The cheese wall at Central Market! 
 7.  The wide variety of shopping available!
 8.  Squirrels and rabbits running around everywhere.
 9.  No cracking skin here!  Humidity can be a good thing.
10. How proud everyone is about being Christian.  Sorry Utah, you've got nothing on Texas in this regard.

 ###

Standing on the Edge

Have you ever felt anxious but you don't know where the feeling is coming from?  I'm not talking about worry or the negative kind of anxious; I'm talking about feeling excited, like you're standing on the edge of something great!  I'm feeling excited and anxious; I'm ready to jump in and begin!

   

Have you ever felt this way?

What happened after you stepped off the edge towards your excitement?

###

Chapter Six: Millee's Story

Millee Margaret is my daughter who passed away while I was giving birth to her.  I feel it's fitting to share her story since this blog is named after her.  I didn't get to raise her, but giving birth to her changed my life forever.  The day after my office Christmas party, about mid December in 2007, I went to a routine check up with an ultra sound.  Without sharing all the medical gory details I found out I was in labor and getting ready to have a baby.  Because I was only about 22 weeks along I was admitted to the hospital in Ogden Utah, then later sent to the University of Utah's labor and delivery unit in Salt Lake City.  I was considered high risk and because of a specific surgery I had when I was young, I couldn't have a caesarean.  I had to have her naturally, but I don't have hip sockets either; a body part women need to give birth.  Our goal was to give birth between 26 - 32 weeks.  After 26 weeks her lungs would be stronger and under 32 weeks she'd be small enough for me to give birth naturally. 

I spent most of my nights laying upside down, gravity was on our side in this situation, and I was flat on my back for about four weeks.  The morning I went into labor I was 26 weeks along to the day, and I was alone in my hospital room in utter panic when I realized my water had broken.  I called the nurse and was rushed to labor and delivery.  I'd been on pills to stop labor so during birth my cervix closed and wrapped around Millee's neck and she was stuck.  I was then put on medicine that causes labor, but the process took too much time to start working.

I think those 30-40 minutes waiting to go back into labor were the longest minutes of my life; I knew as each minute passed, my sweet baby was passing too.  That night my Uncle Rex drove to the hospital to pick up my baby and took her to the mortuary in South Ogden.  The next day my mom and dad took me home.  Millee was born January 3, 2008; she is buried in Washington Heights Memorial Cemetery in Ogden Utah.

Millee was named after a night nurse I had while I was in the hospital.  I was having such a hard time thinking of a girl name, and I wanted to wait to meet her before I decided on a name; but I had to have a few in mind.  I had a night nurse, who was from Russia that came to check Millee's heart beat every night, and she was the one nurse that stayed for a bit and talked to me.  I loved listening to her talk with her thick Russian accent.  To be honest, her accent was so think I often had a hard time understanding her.  The fact that she would take some time to hang out with me helped me through some lonely nights.  Margaret is my mother, and I knew my baby was in some way going to be named after my mom; we've shared so much together and I knew my mom would be a big part of Millee's life.  I wanted Millee to know who she was named after personally.

I still remember the panic I felt when I found out I was going to have a baby.  I remember the rejection I felt when Millee's father told me he didn't want to be involved in our lives.  I remember even more panic I felt when I found out I was having a girl; the thought of raising a girl in this crazy world frightened me.  I still feel guilty every day because of losing her; I always wonder if there was something I could have done better. Most of all I remember the strength, faith, and love I felt being pregnant with her and planning a great future for us.

Millee was strong, beautiful, and loved to listen to Shania Twain; every time I played Shania's music, Millee would dance in my tummy.  Well, she either loved Shania Twain and danced, or she was trying to tell me to turn off the music by kicking me in the ribs.

I will always be grateful for all of the support I received from my dear family, friends, and co-workers!  Our family Christmas Eve party was spent in my hospital room that year.  It was actually fun; we ate pizza, opened presents, played games, and visited.  I had several visits from friends and co-workers, but it was also a very snowy and cold winter; I spent a lot of days and nights alone due to snowy weather and bad road conditions.

I don't think I'll ever truly get over losing my daughter, but the experience of having her taught me so much about myself and for that I have to be grateful.

###

        

Chapter Five: Let it be said. . .

Let it be said, I'm not a floundering woman trying to find myself in the world; I hope that isn't the vibe I'm giving by starting this blog.  I know who I am, I think most people know who they are; we all have core values and beliefs that we identify with.  But I have to think as human beings we owe it to ourselves to evaluate, research, and evolve continually.  This is what I'm trying to do with self reflection and sharing my experiences on this blog. 

For example, I don't think it's enough to identify myself as a nice person, but then go about life not really doing anything nice for anyone.  It's like those people who share posts about saving starving people in Africa, but how well do they know their neighbor?  How about actually doing something that truly will make a difference in someone's life here and now, even right next door?  I believe that if you really know yourself, your actions will portray who you believe you are.

I want to find myself on a deeper, individual level; better yet I want to create myself.  I know I have a lot to offer and there is so much more to find within myself, but I'll never know what I have to offer if I don't evaluate, research, and try my best to evolve. 

Happy Friday y'all!  I hope you have a great weekend! 
###

Chapter Three: This has to be addressed

As a woman in my mid-thirties, one subject has to be addressed:  Age!  Anyone who knows me well knows I don't want to age, but time is going to march across my face if I want it to or not.  Who decided that men get more distinguished and handsome as they age, i.e. George Clooney and Mark Harmon, and women just can't age at all?  Sure the confident women are fine with their aging, but there are those of us not so confident and I am not looking forward to dying the grey out of my hair.  Now, if I aged as these women have, I'd be pretty happy!  However, if I don't find contentment with grey hair I don't think I'd continue to die my hair brown, my natural color; I'd dye my hair blue or purple!

At some point in a persons life not only does age have to be addressed; health must be addressed as well.  Some people are naturally health aware but most of us have to make it a priority and a life changing experience to make it stick.  I'm going to use this blog not only to focus on my emotional and spiritual health but also focus on my physical health!  Joseph and I were planning a 30 day challenge around health, (check out our past 30 day challenges HERE), but we never got around to it, and I want this to be something I can conquer in my own way on my own timeline.  So here's to aging well and a healthy future!  What do you guys think about how society views women aging?    

###

Chapter Two: Label Me

In our society we're often told it's wrong to put labels on people and ourselves, but I want to be labeled!  Not labeled in a judgmental sort of way, but labeled as in "defined".  My first obvious label is woman or wife, but what kind of woman or wife am I?  Am I a brave woman or am I reserved and introverted?  Maybe I am both depending on the situation I'm in.  Am I a spiritual woman?  What does it mean to be a spiritual person anyway?  Do spiritual people only attend church and pray, or can I find spirituality in other non-conventional ways such as; travel, reading, meeting new people, being in nature, meditation, etc.  I feel by answering these kinds of questions about myself, I'm in turn defining myself!
 

Photo Source

Here are a some labels I'm striving for:  Brave, honest, fun, kind, creative, happy, loving, secure, and strong.
  

###

Chapter One: Introductions

Hi!  My name is Jill Adams; I live in northern Texas with husband, Mini Schnauzer, and two Russian Blue cats.  My husband and I moved to Texas from Utah about four months ago to start our own business and make a new life for ourselves. The experience has been quite the ride so far and we're just getting started!  But, this blog isn't about that; this blog is a personal, even vulnerable blog about my journey in defining myself.

I've been blogging over four years and still do blog J&J Chronicles HERE, but I felt it was time to start a new project.  I've been wanting to start this blog for months and I have to tell you, this blog isn't what I had originally planned it to be.  I'd been thinking a lot about the content and subject matter, and this has turned into a project; more like a journey or experiment and this blog is the platform.  I'm an inward thinker; I'm always thinking about who I am as a person, what are my skills and talents, what makes me happy, and all those big huge questions everyone of us think about but might feel foolish to talk about out loud.  We all love those wonderful profound thoughts from the great writers and poets, and I swear the most common thing shared on Pinterest are deep and inspiring thoughts and quotes in bold print with funky fonts, but have we ever stopped to think what happened before those deep thoughts were coined?

The first thing you have to do when starting a blog is name it.  I started thinking about experiences in my life that have helped shape who I am right now, good and bad.  This train of thought brought me to think about all of the people in my life that have influenced me, and there are so many people.  I can't say that I am who I am because of me alone.  Sure, I'd like to think that all of my own choices and beliefs have defined me:  I'm a republican, I believe in choice not chance, I believe in hard work not hand outs, I believe forging my own path not living by luck alone, blah, blah, blah.  While thinking about this blog, I realized I can't take the conservative route on this journey; too many people and experiences have shaped who I am today.

Because of Joseph I'm free to start this journey.  I'm confident that with his support and knowing that because of his love for me, I can begin this experiment.  I thought naming my blog Joseph Adams or Most Wonderful Husband in the World would be odd, and this blog isn't about him specifically.  However, Joseph and I have made creativity and innovation so much of our lifestyle, and I am so thankful for him and his influence.  I chose to call my blog Millee Margaret, it's a sweet name isn't it?  It's the name I chose for my daughter.  My experience of losing her started my first real experience of self reflection.  Margaret is my mom, and who doesn't have mother issues now days?  Don't worry mom, this isn't going to be that kind of blog; dishing about things I wish my mother would have done differently when I was a child.  But, mothers do play a huge, gigantic role in shaping their children;  I have to address my mother in this blog.  I'm sure I'll reflect on other family members and friends I've met along the way, and even some animals.  I also write poems and am going to bring back "high/low"!  (More on high/low later.)

So here it is:  Millee Margaret, a tribute blog for my daughter and a journey about finding and defining myself through creativity, faith, and reflection.  I hope by sharing what I'm experiencing now and what I have experienced in my past will somehow help or inspire others.  I hope you will feel free to share your experiences with me; I am always inspired by others. 

Joseph illustrated this picture for my blog header.  

I love it, It represents Millee perfectly! 

###   

     Don't miss a post, "like" Millee-Margaret Facebook page HERE!
Follow me on Instagram HERE!