October 30, 2014

A Step in a Holistic Aproach to Depression Treatment Vol 2. . .

I've been researching holistic ways to treat depression lately.  One thing I've learned through managing pain and a constant state of discomfort, having lost my leg, is that the brain is a very powerful tool.  Have you heard of CBT , Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy?  I'll save CBT for another blog.  One of the steps to holistic treatment for depression is trying something new.  When trying something new your brain releases dopamine which is associated with pleasure, enjoyment, and learning.

I start a new project at least every other month or so.  Mostly because I like exploring my creative side; I like to try things for myself to see if I really do like them or not. 

I've been so excited to start my next project!  Making necklaces out of my handmade marbled paper, and printing some of them with our lead type and decorative tools!  

I am in love with these necklaces and guess what?  Making these make me feel happy!
Of course you don't have to add trying something new to your depression treatment plan in order to try something new.
What fun new things are you trying these days?


October 29, 2014

Attempting to get back to fearless. . . ("Haters gonna Hate")

Every time I write a stirring blog such as my sharing about my depression HERE, I get a few negative reactions.  I call those reactions blow back, which is basically haters responding to my writing.

Here's the kicker:  I don't write for those kinds of people.  I mostly write for myself, I always have.  But I also love to share my experiences because I want other women to know they're not alone in their hard times.  I've been through plenty of hard times to know the only way to get through them is to have POSITIVE people on my side, cheering me on, listening to my thoughts and worries, and sharing with me how they get through their hard times.  No one can get through this life alone!   

To those who bag on my writing:  I feel sorry for you, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. 


October 28, 2014

I'm 36 and I'm a Swiftie!

Hello, my name is Jill.  
I am a 36 year old woman and I'm a Swiftie.
Swifties are Taylor Swift fans!
Her new album was released yesterday!
You better believe I bought it!
Check out her fun video of Shake it Off HERE!

Have a great day!

October 27, 2014

Feeling Hopeless Rather Than Fearless Vol 1

I've been thinking about sharing my experience with depression for quite sometime, but I've only just worked up the courage to write about it.  I have actually been dealing with depression indirectly and directly my whole life.  My mom has depression and so does my sister, and I've been the lucky one stuck right in the middle of their issues with depression and each other for several years.
I'm also no stranger to dealing with my own setbacks in life that have brought on bouts of depression.  Personally, I've never considered myself as having depression; I know that sadness, setbacks, disappointments, struggles, etc are not the same thing as depression.  Depression engulfs your day-to-day life, it interferes with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and even have fun.  The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting with little, if any, relief.  For over a year now, I've been dealing with depression so much that I can now admit it and talk about it!
In the past I had been so busy navigating through my mom's and sister's depression, that I never had the chance to stop and actually take care of myself, and everything hit me all at once as soon as I moved to Texas, away from their issues.  It was like a huge wave of my own issues came crashing down on top of me and I didn't realize what was happening.
If anyone has ever been involved with a depressed person, you know they can be selfish people; it's the nature of the disease. By selfish and and nature of the disease I mean:  When you're depressed, you feel hopeless and sad, and in turn all you're actually thinking about is yourself.  "How can I get out of this train of thought?"  "Why am I feeling this way?"  "I never used to feel this way."  "I just want to feel good again."  "I don't remember what it feels like to be happy."  These kinds of questions if asked too often, day-in and day-out, can get you stuck in a selfish train of thought of thinking about you!  (I don't mean the kind of selfishness that is rude, I mean the inability to get out of ones own negative self talk, constantly thinking about their own issues.  I got in a lot of trouble for writing about the selfish aspect of depression last year, which kind of proved my point.  When you're depressed are you even capable of caring for others? Sometimes I have a hard time caring for myself let alone anyone else. Isn't that the basic definition of selfish?)
When I moved to Texas, I would get phone calls from my family, but they usually were unhappy with me because I hadn't called them enough, or I wasn't understanding their situations better.  I even flew my sister to Texas, wanting to help her and give her a break from her normal day-to-day sadness. . .  when all the time I felt like I was drowning.   
My depression hasn't been the normal typical kind of depression you see on Prozac commercials.  My depression has been aggressive, leaving me with feelings of anger and rage.  I don't sleep much, and I've had a few panic attacks mixed in here and there.  I've had to talk myself into being interested in anything really, and I've had to tell myself to keep caring about important things such as my religion, our business, our children, our animals, my health, life in general, etc.
I'm blessed to have a patient and kind husband who has helped me through this wild ride we've been on the last year and a half or so.  I feel guilty that I've put him through all of this, but we've also grown closer dealing with this together.  Now that I can admit and know that I am experiencing depression, I can get help, and I can even help myself.  I catch myself when I slip into those dangerous selfish trains of thought, I'm consciously aware of my emotions, and I even give myself down days to rest.  It can be tiring to have to talk yourself into doing things that were once just routine.

 Everyday is a battle, but one I'm willing to fight so I can get back to feeling fearless rather than hopeless.  

October 26, 2014

Easier said than done. . .

Don't you love the quotes on Pinterest?  You can find quotes that validate any emotion or delusion you're experiences that day.  Does anyone really ever read those quotes to think about ways they need or would like to improve themselves?  Changing one's self is probably one of the hardest things to do in life I would think, but I'm pretty sure it's the most rewarding.

I'm currently working on the subject of forgiveness.  It's a hard one, and the actual process is more in depth than just ignoring the issue all together; that's what I usually do.  I'll let you know when I figure it out. :)

October 20, 2014

LDS Parenting. . .

"As we ponder the messages we have heard, may we resolve to do a little better than we have done in the past. May we be kind and loving to those who do not share our beliefs and our standards. The Savior brought to this earth a message of love and goodwill to all men and women. May we ever follow His example."
—Thomas S. Monson,
 I've been reading about parenting today, because one can never study too much when it comes to raising children in my opinion.  We're LDS, so obviously I want to study what the scriptures and our prophets say about parenting.  Check out this great resource of LDS teachings HERE.  Joseph and I made a goal to live our life as if we had full custody of our children, hence our family theme for the school year (see theme HERE), scripture study, prayer, hard work, and fun of course!  We feel if we're living as if we have our children with us full time, it's easier to involve them in our life when they visit, and when we skype with them.  We miss our children a lot since having moved to Texas, but haven't missed dealing with their mother!  Why do some ex-wives have cause so much drama?  I'll never understand it. 

The quote above, was President Monson's closing remarks at this October's General Conference, and I loved it!  It's always a good reminder to be kind and loving!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!
Have a great week too!