February 12, 2014

Destruction of Self Doubt

Last week I was having the most horrible feelings of self doubt, fear, and depression.  I know everyone goes through this from time to time, but I sure wish we didn't have to.  These feelings are dangerous and I think they're rude; an unwelcome guest to anyone's mind. 

Honestly, these feelings are what drove me to crochet three hats in one weekend.  Projects I'd been working on earlier in the week were not going well, and I've felt other things in my life haven't been going in the direction I want them to; or I should say, other things in my life aren't going quickly in the direction I want them to.  When I tried THIS pattern, and the first hat didn't turn out as the picture, I thought to myself, this is stupid, I can make this hat, and I CAN make it how I want it to look, dammit!

I became a bit obsessive I guess; I felt that it was important for something to go right, and I wasn't going to let those horrible feelings of self doubt win!  I have a few too many hats now (anyone want a cute crochet hat?), but this project was about more than a hat.  It was about me putting my mind to something and changing the outcome.  The pattern wasn't giving me the end product I wanted, so I changed it.

The Great Hat Challenge of 2014!
Hat No. 1 - Following the Pattern.

Hat No. 2 - Changing the pattern a little. Cute but not quite what I had in mind.

Hat No. 3 - Changed the pattern and the stitches altogether.
I'm so happy with how the third hat turned out that I even made my husband one.
Plus, he looks really cute in a fedora!  I'll make him several more I'm sure!

There is so much in the media, our great American culture, and in our own heads telling us we have to keep working, keep moving, stay motivated, focus more, be better, change, keep progressing, and all of this pressure is enough to give anyone a heart attack!  Ultimately I am in control of my life regardless of outside pressures, and I'm definitely in control of my own negative self talk.  Sometimes I have to  remind myself of this, and if all this reminding means I make a few too many hats, than so be it.



  1. Beautiful hat! Well done!

    I also have these feelings once in a while... sometimes more often than not, especially in the winter. ugh. It's really bad. Sometimes to make it go away, I take a super long shower, and pretend I'm washing away all the negative energy! It makes me feel better :) Glad you decided to screw the feelings and make the hat! It came out good.

    1. Thanks Amber! I like your shower the negative away method!