My Gratitude List this Thanksgiving Holiday 2014

I've been going through a huge list of things I'm grateful for this year all day long!  I have so much to be thankful for; I know I have a blessed life!  I've worked hard for the life I have too.  I haven't always made the best decisions, and therefore, I've caused unnecessary suffering for myself in my past life.  Lucky for me, I've been able to recognize my mistakes, correct them, and I've literally changed my life around for the better!  If I could give anyone just one tip on how to have a blessed life, it would be to surround yourself with quality people.  This method has worked for me, so why wouldn't it work for anyone else?

This year I am eternally grateful for my sweet husband.  If you're lucky enough to know Joseph, you know what I mean when I say, he is kind, intelligent, talented, patient, loving, funny, and possibly the best person anyone could have as a friend.  He has helped me more than he knows, and I will forever be in his debt.

I am thankful to have such a sweet mother!  Marg is a blast to spend time with.  She loves road trips, listens to her music just a little too loud, sings along to the music at the top of her lungs, and anytime I need someone to talk to, she's there for me.  My mom and I have been through A LOT together; she isn't just my mom, she is my friend, and I treasure our friendship dearly.

I am grateful to have such a hardworking and sweet father.  My dad has always been a quiet man, but he doesn't need to speak much to be heard.  My dad loves his family, has always supported us in our decisions, and isn't too proud to let us know when he thinks we may be on the wrong road.  My dad has always been a great example to me and I am blessed to have him in my life!

I am thankful for my sweet and loving in-laws:  Mike and Cindy!  They are so sweet, kind, and such a great example of service to me.  They are always busy helping other people!  They also spend a lot of time with our children, and I know Joseph and I always feel a wave of comfort when the kids call us when they're at their grandparents' house!  

I am grateful for my sister in-law Tara.  We hadn't really spoken in length to each other for several years, other than small talk at family parties. This summer we were able to put the past behind us and I have really enjoyed getting to know her again! She is so much fun and inspiring to me.

I have a very long list of wonderful friends that I'm lucky to have in my life.  I am so thankful for my dear friend Stacey Tyler.  She takes care of her three young children, teaches classes at Weber State, is currently in her Masters program at Weber State, is always busy with her family and church obligations, yet she still has time for her friends.  We text each other at least 4 to 10 times a week!  We keep in touch with each other's lives, and talk about whatever is on our minds at the time.  Friends like this are hard to come by; we're all so busy with our lives, it's important to make sure the people you care about, know that you care about them.  I love this woman with all my heart, and will always cherish her!

My cousin Kandin is another person I am grateful for!  We talk every week about lives, goals, plans, current projects, or whatever is on our minds at the time.  Sometimes it's nice to have a sounding board who is willing to tell you if you're off base, completely silly, or right on track.  I am blessed to have her in my life!

These wonderful people are just a few of the great people I know and who I am very thankful for during this holiday season and always! 

Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Steps to a Holistic Approach to Treating Depression Vol 3. . .

In my last post I talked about a step in a holistic approach to treating depression HERE.  There are a lot more steps one should be taking when it comes to managing depression such as:  Sticking to schedule, setting small achievable goals, exercise, eating wholesome vitamin rich foods, therapy, and even prescription medication if needs be.  Personally, I see no problem with taking prescription medications, and making yourself a holistic treatment plan.
It's a bit naive to think one should just pop a pill and all will be right with world.  Helping yourself should be the first and most important step when treating depression in my opinion.  Taking the time to reflect and analyze your emotions,  identify triggers, and writing out a plan to deal with those triggers, and maybe even prevent them can only help, and just think about the great habits you're learning in the mean time!  I see no down side to this approach.
I sat down and did just this:  I thought about all the circumstances that trigger negative emotions, and I listed them out.  I listed everything from someone looking at me wrong, to forgetting one white sock in the laundry, when I just finished the white load!  I mean just writing down every little thing was quite therapeutic.  Then I went through that list and rated each circumstance.  Some triggers are really just asinine; other triggers have merit, so I considered, explored, and included them in my treatment plan.  If I hadn't taken the time identify all of my triggers, I wouldn't have been able to choose which ones to throw out and completely disregard, and which ones need attention.
I can't express enough the importance of self-reflection, and how this step alone has helped me so much this year!  It's so easy to notice what other people are or aren't doing and criticize them for it.  It's much more challenging to look at one's own behavior, bad habits, and short comings, and realize change needs to happen if one truly wants to live a happy and productive life.  Now when I feel like I'm going to have a bad day, I first look to my plan, identify what I'm not doing correctly, and nine time out of ten, I've left something out that I should have been doing.  I have noticed something as simple as getting off on my sleeping schedule can mess me up for days!

My happiness is truly up to me, therefore I can only criticize my own actions and correct them one day at time.   

       My Depression Journey Vol 1 HERE!
       My Depression Journey Vol 2 HERE!

A Step in a Holistic Aproach to Depression Treatment Vol 2. . .

I've been researching holistic ways to treat depression lately.  One thing I've learned through managing pain and a constant state of discomfort, having lost my leg, is that the brain is a very powerful tool.  Have you heard of CBT , Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy?  I'll save CBT for another blog.  One of the steps to holistic treatment for depression is trying something new.  When trying something new your brain releases dopamine which is associated with pleasure, enjoyment, and learning.

I start a new project at least every other month or so.  Mostly because I like exploring my creative side; I like to try things for myself to see if I really do like them or not. 

I've been so excited to start my next project!  Making necklaces out of my handmade marbled paper, and printing some of them with our lead type and decorative tools!  

I am in love with these necklaces and guess what?  Making these make me feel happy!

Of course you don't have to add trying something new to your depression treatment plan in order to try something new.

What fun new things are you trying these days?

 

Attempting to get back to fearless. . . ("Haters gonna Hate")

Every time I write a stirring blog such as my sharing about my depression HERE, I get a few negative reactions.  I call those reactions blow back, which is basically haters responding to my writing.

Here's the kicker:  I don't write for those kinds of people.  I mostly write for myself, I always have.  But I also love to share my experiences because I want other women to know they're not alone in their hard times.  I've been through plenty of hard times to know the only way to get through them is to have POSITIVE people on my side, cheering me on, listening to my thoughts and worries, and sharing with me how they get through their hard times.  No one can get through this life alone!   

To those who bag on my writing:  I feel sorry for you, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. 

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I'm 36 and I'm a Swiftie!

Hello, my name is Jill.  

I am a 36 year old woman and I'm a Swiftie.

Via

Swifties are Taylor Swift fans!

Her new album was released yesterday!

You better believe I bought it!

Via

Check out her fun video of Shake it Off HERE!

Have a great day!

Feeling Hopeless Rather Than Fearless Vol 1

I've been thinking about sharing my experience with depression for quite sometime, but I've only just worked up the courage to write about it.  I have actually been dealing with depression indirectly and directly my whole life.  My mom has depression and so does my sister, and I've been the lucky one stuck right in the middle of their issues with depression and each other for several years.
I'm also no stranger to dealing with my own setbacks in life that have brought on bouts of depression.  Personally, I've never considered myself as having depression; I know that sadness, setbacks, disappointments, struggles, etc are not the same thing as depression.  Depression engulfs your day-to-day life, it interferes with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and even have fun.  The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting with little, if any, relief.  For over a year now, I've been dealing with depression so much that I can now admit it and talk about it!
In the past I had been so busy navigating through my mom's and sister's depression, that I never had the chance to stop and actually take care of myself, and everything hit me all at once as soon as I moved to Texas, away from their issues.  It was like a huge wave of my own issues came crashing down on top of me and I didn't realize what was happening.
If anyone has ever been involved with a depressed person, you know they can be selfish people; it's the nature of the disease. By selfish and and nature of the disease I mean:  When you're depressed, you feel hopeless and sad, and in turn all you're actually thinking about is yourself.  "How can I get out of this train of thought?"  "Why am I feeling this way?"  "I never used to feel this way."  "I just want to feel good again."  "I don't remember what it feels like to be happy."  These kinds of questions if asked too often, day-in and day-out, can get you stuck in a selfish train of thought of thinking about you!  (I don't mean the kind of selfishness that is rude, I mean the inability to get out of ones own negative self talk, constantly thinking about their own issues.  I got in a lot of trouble for writing about the selfish aspect of depression last year, which kind of proved my point.  When you're depressed are you even capable of caring for others? Sometimes I have a hard time caring for myself let alone anyone else. Isn't that the basic definition of selfish?)
When I moved to Texas, I would get phone calls from my family, but they usually were unhappy with me because I hadn't called them enough, or I wasn't understanding their situations better.  I even flew my sister to Texas, wanting to help her and give her a break from her normal day-to-day sadness. . .  when all the time I felt like I was drowning.   
My depression hasn't been the normal typical kind of depression you see on Prozac commercials.  My depression has been aggressive, leaving me with feelings of anger and rage.  I don't sleep much, and I've had a few panic attacks mixed in here and there.  I've had to talk myself into being interested in anything really, and I've had to tell myself to keep caring about important things such as my religion, our business, our children, our animals, my health, life in general, etc.
I'm blessed to have a patient and kind husband who has helped me through this wild ride we've been on the last year and a half or so.  I feel guilty that I've put him through all of this, but we've also grown closer dealing with this together.  Now that I can admit and know that I am experiencing depression, I can get help, and I can even help myself.  I catch myself when I slip into those dangerous selfish trains of thought, I'm consciously aware of my emotions, and I even give myself down days to rest.  It can be tiring to have to talk yourself into doing things that were once just routine.

 

 Everyday is a battle, but one I'm willing to fight so I can get back to feeling fearless rather than hopeless.  

      

Easier said than done. . .

Don't you love the quotes on Pinterest?  You can find quotes that validate any emotion or delusion you're experiences that day.  Does anyone really ever read those quotes to think about ways they need or would like to improve themselves?  Changing one's self is probably one of the hardest things to do in life I would think, but I'm pretty sure it's the most rewarding.

I'm currently working on the subject of forgiveness.  It's a hard one, and the actual process is more in depth than just ignoring the issue all together; that's what I usually do.  I'll let you know when I figure it out. :)