R/Evolution Print Exchange 2015: My First Print Exchange!

I participated in my first print exchange this year!  It was quite nerve racking, but fun and I'm glad I did it. The print exchange was hosted by Eidolon House.  The theme of the exchange was R/Evolution:  A play on the words revolution and evolution, revolution being a forced change, and evolution being a gradual change.  As participants we were asked to include artist statements with our prints as we were all strangers from all over the U.S.  We were also asked to do 11 editions, as 11 artists committed to participate.  My print is different as it involves two mediums, marbled paper which is basically mono-printing because every one is different, and a woodcut design I carved and printed over each marbled paper.  Here is my artist statement, which turned into a short essay.  And I thought I'd share some photos of my print.

^{R/Evolution being about the affects of forced change and evolving change over time and how these two kinds of changes affects my personal art, is really a metaphor for human existence in general.  Everyone has core characteristics, values, even moral codes they live by that send their life into a specific direction.  Whether these traits were given to you by your parents, you were born with them (it’s something about your unique personality), etc., everyone has them, and they’re usually general and noticeable by everyone around you.  These traits are easy to pick up on by just having one conversation with another.  They’re a sort of “Revolution” of administrative order, so to speak; a way for other humans to make sense of the people around them.  She is a woman, she is married, she is religious, she is a creative person, etc.  The dark arrows on this print represent these core traits that everyone one of us have, but underneath these administrative categories there is so much more to each of us individually.}

^{The process of marbling paper is more fascinating to me than the actual finished product; that is not to say the finished product isn’t special.  Dropping paint on the size and watching the paint stretch and contort into different shapes is an “Evolutionary” change.  As I drip and splatter more paint onto the size the characteristics of all the paints bending and pushing against each other create a sort of winding road, a map in all different directions scattered with peeks and valleys.  Once you lay the paper down and pull up the print you uncover a miraculous and beautiful image.  Life experience does this same sort of “Evolutionary” change to us.  All of the hard, painful, happy, exhausting moments we deal with throughout our life time is stretching, bending, and molding our own human spirits, and when we pull back the curtains of self doubt and ridiculous expectations we give ourselves, we find someone beautiful, unique, and even miraculous!} 

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Completing a Family through Adoption.

I have several friends that have adopted children or who are in the process of adopting, and in the blogging network there are many who share their amazing stories about their adoption journey:  It's crazy how many different routes to adoption there are.
As a stepmother I can relate to the feeling of "adopting" children that I didn't physically give birth to; it doesn't mean I love them any less.  In my opinion all children are amazing and deserve loving homes to feel safe, loved, and nurtured in.  I've noticed all adoption journeys have one thing in common; its the extraordinary amount of love the families have for their children and the amount of loving support they have from their friends and family.

Today I'm sharing an interview I had with my friend Amy Sperandeo about her adoption journey; a journey of hope and love that her whole family took to add two handsome boys to their family.

 

Q:  How did you come to the decision to adopt?
A:  It's hard to explain.  I just had a feeling that our family wasn't complete.  When I brought it up with my husband he agreed.  Neither one of us is able to have children of our own so adoption seemed the obvious solution.

Q:  How did you know adoption was right for your family?
A:  I knew our family has been so blessed and we have so much love for one another.  Family is so important and we all agreed that we wanted to share what we have with another child.  Seems God's plan was for us to share it with two more.

Q:  You chose to adopt through the foster care program; why this route over international or domestic open/closed adoption, etc.?
A:  I watched a video posted by the Dave Thomas Foundation, it touched my heart and broke my heart to see so many children suffering and longing for a family.  Everyone wants a new, perfect baby, we wanted the "unwanted".

Q:  How did you prepare your family for new and older children?
A:  A LOT of talking. A Lot.  Cody and I took classes through the Utah Foster Care Foundation and we would come home and discuss what we learned with the kids.  We didn't sugar coat anything.  We let the kids know about the horrible experiences foster kids have been through, how they would have behaviors that we weren't used to, and how they needed our unconditional love, etc.

Q:  How has the transition been for your children?
A:  We have good days and we have bad days.  Mostly good.  I am actually amazed by how fast they have all bonded.  They love each other.  It's incredible to see how similar children are, despite completely different backgrounds.  At the same time, it's devastating to see the impact of neglect and abuse and know how different things could have been.

Q:  Were you worried personalities would clash between your children?
A:  I wasn't as worried about personalities clashing as I was behaviors rubbing off on other siblings.  I knew our boys had seen and heard things that most children their age haven't, and I was very worried about them teaching the other kids bad things.

Q:  Is adoption expensive or is this common belief a myth?
A:  Adopting from foster care is FREE.  All expenses are reimbursed at the time of finalization.  Also, most children who are adopted from foster care will receive a subsidy after finalization. 

Q:  What is the biggest lesson you've learned through your adoption process?
A:  I've learned so many lessons.  Hard to say which is the biggest.  I've learned that I can do hard things.  I've learned that life isn't about what is easy and convenient.  What exactly is the point of living a comfy life anyway?  Things get super tough around here, but man when we make it through it sure feels good.  When my son cries in my arms because he's having a bad memory, it straight up kills me...but when he looks up at me and tells me he feels better, there is no feeling like it in the world.

 

Thank you Amy for sharing your adoption story with us!

If you're thinking about adoption and have more questions feel free to contact Amy at

sperandeo7@gmail.com

XOXO

        

Chapter Eleven: Life after my Amputation

I shared why my leg was amputated on J&J Chronicles a couple years ago HERE.  And I've wrote about a few learning experiences about being an amputee HERE and HERE; even my husband shared his thoughts about life with an amputee wife HERE.
  
Many people know me, or have read my story and commented on how strong and brave I was; I truly am grateful for those compliments.  But what some may not know is that the bravery and strength come after the amputation.  There is so much that I miss about my life before my amputation, at times I feel guilty for taking those days of somewhat easy mobility for granted.  There are days when the little changes that individually seem like nothing, but summed as a whole, overwhelm me.  I miss wearing jeans or pants in general, I miss all the wonderful shoes I owned before my amputation, I miss having two feet the same size, I miss mountain biking, and the ability to walk up to a river and decide to stroll through it if I wanted.  

The day after my amputation, May 4,2008.

Life after my amputation is the challenge and will be the challenge for the rest of my life; some days I'm okay with that, and some days I'm just tired.  Some days it takes all I've got to get out of bed and put on my leg, and some days, I don't get out of bed and prefer to not even acknowledge my prosthetic.

I've learned that real bravery and strength are tested and applied after the amputation.  This philosophy is true with any challenge we face isn't it?  People talk about the event that caused the chain reaction that changes their lives forever, but the they rarely talk about what happens after that event.  Most put on a happy face in public and go home and flounder in sorrow alone.  After losing a loved one, losing a limb, losing a dear friend, being diagnosed with an incurable decease, or even having our hearts broken from time to time; how does one find strength after these kinds of life changing events? 

Some mock blogging as an online journal, as if sharing ones life is wrong or stupid, and imply that personal events should be kept private in a journal stuffed under a mattress.  The word blog is short for Web Log, so it is safe to say blogs are in fact online journals.  Before computers and the internet people kept journals for their posterity, to document genealogies, to write about life as it was happening to them; and thank goodness!  Today people still keep these kinds of records; which is important.  But in the world of blogging we have an opportunity to share our lives and special experiences with the world, or those who read our blogs.  I blog to share my experiences, not to show off and not for attention; but for the purpose of offering support to others who may need that extra bit of strength to get out of bed in the morning.
    

My beautiful legs.

In my opinion it's not enough to just go on living after a life altering event, it's more important to go on happy and positive, with an attitude of progression and moving forward.  It's important to acknowledge the hard days, but focus on the good days - in fact magnify those good days.  Pretending you're not hurting is an uncertain and lonely road.  We can progress much faster and healthier with support from others; letting people in to help you is brave.  I know it's scary and you may feel vulnerable when you admit you need help, and don't have a clue about what you're doing, but as soon as you open up, people always step in to help, and there is your strength! 

What "amputation" are you dealing with?
How do you find strength and bravery?

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Chapter Ten: Happiness is. . .

I was looking around my little house tonight and started listing in my head all the things about it that made me happy.  I was sitting in my rocking chair near my husband as he worked, I looked down and around me were all three of my pets, laying beside each other at my feet.  I couldn't help but smile, and I thought happiness is this. . . being happy with what I have right now at this very moment.

Photo Source

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Chapter Six: Millee's Story

Millee Margaret is my daughter who passed away while I was giving birth to her.  I feel it's fitting to share her story since this blog is named after her.  I didn't get to raise her, but giving birth to her changed my life forever.  The day after my office Christmas party, about mid December in 2007, I went to a routine check up with an ultra sound.  Without sharing all the medical gory details I found out I was in labor and getting ready to have a baby.  Because I was only about 22 weeks along I was admitted to the hospital in Ogden Utah, then later sent to the University of Utah's labor and delivery unit in Salt Lake City.  I was considered high risk and because of a specific surgery I had when I was young, I couldn't have a caesarean.  I had to have her naturally, but I don't have hip sockets either; a body part women need to give birth.  Our goal was to give birth between 26 - 32 weeks.  After 26 weeks her lungs would be stronger and under 32 weeks she'd be small enough for me to give birth naturally. 

I spent most of my nights laying upside down, gravity was on our side in this situation, and I was flat on my back for about four weeks.  The morning I went into labor I was 26 weeks along to the day, and I was alone in my hospital room in utter panic when I realized my water had broken.  I called the nurse and was rushed to labor and delivery.  I'd been on pills to stop labor so during birth my cervix closed and wrapped around Millee's neck and she was stuck.  I was then put on medicine that causes labor, but the process took too much time to start working.

I think those 30-40 minutes waiting to go back into labor were the longest minutes of my life; I knew as each minute passed, my sweet baby was passing too.  That night my Uncle Rex drove to the hospital to pick up my baby and took her to the mortuary in South Ogden.  The next day my mom and dad took me home.  Millee was born January 3, 2008; she is buried in Washington Heights Memorial Cemetery in Ogden Utah.

Millee was named after a night nurse I had while I was in the hospital.  I was having such a hard time thinking of a girl name, and I wanted to wait to meet her before I decided on a name; but I had to have a few in mind.  I had a night nurse, who was from Russia that came to check Millee's heart beat every night, and she was the one nurse that stayed for a bit and talked to me.  I loved listening to her talk with her thick Russian accent.  To be honest, her accent was so think I often had a hard time understanding her.  The fact that she would take some time to hang out with me helped me through some lonely nights.  Margaret is my mother, and I knew my baby was in some way going to be named after my mom; we've shared so much together and I knew my mom would be a big part of Millee's life.  I wanted Millee to know who she was named after personally.

I still remember the panic I felt when I found out I was going to have a baby.  I remember the rejection I felt when Millee's father told me he didn't want to be involved in our lives.  I remember even more panic I felt when I found out I was having a girl; the thought of raising a girl in this crazy world frightened me.  I still feel guilty every day because of losing her; I always wonder if there was something I could have done better. Most of all I remember the strength, faith, and love I felt being pregnant with her and planning a great future for us.

Millee was strong, beautiful, and loved to listen to Shania Twain; every time I played Shania's music, Millee would dance in my tummy.  Well, she either loved Shania Twain and danced, or she was trying to tell me to turn off the music by kicking me in the ribs.

I will always be grateful for all of the support I received from my dear family, friends, and co-workers!  Our family Christmas Eve party was spent in my hospital room that year.  It was actually fun; we ate pizza, opened presents, played games, and visited.  I had several visits from friends and co-workers, but it was also a very snowy and cold winter; I spent a lot of days and nights alone due to snowy weather and bad road conditions.

I don't think I'll ever truly get over losing my daughter, but the experience of having her taught me so much about myself and for that I have to be grateful.

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Chapter Five: Let it be said. . .

Let it be said, I'm not a floundering woman trying to find myself in the world; I hope that isn't the vibe I'm giving by starting this blog.  I know who I am, I think most people know who they are; we all have core values and beliefs that we identify with.  But I have to think as human beings we owe it to ourselves to evaluate, research, and evolve continually.  This is what I'm trying to do with self reflection and sharing my experiences on this blog. 

For example, I don't think it's enough to identify myself as a nice person, but then go about life not really doing anything nice for anyone.  It's like those people who share posts about saving starving people in Africa, but how well do they know their neighbor?  How about actually doing something that truly will make a difference in someone's life here and now, even right next door?  I believe that if you really know yourself, your actions will portray who you believe you are.

I want to find myself on a deeper, individual level; better yet I want to create myself.  I know I have a lot to offer and there is so much more to find within myself, but I'll never know what I have to offer if I don't evaluate, research, and try my best to evolve. 

Happy Friday y'all!  I hope you have a great weekend! 
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Chapter Three: This has to be addressed

As a woman in my mid-thirties, one subject has to be addressed:  Age!  Anyone who knows me well knows I don't want to age, but time is going to march across my face if I want it to or not.  Who decided that men get more distinguished and handsome as they age, i.e. George Clooney and Mark Harmon, and women just can't age at all?  Sure the confident women are fine with their aging, but there are those of us not so confident and I am not looking forward to dying the grey out of my hair.  Now, if I aged as these women have, I'd be pretty happy!  However, if I don't find contentment with grey hair I don't think I'd continue to die my hair brown, my natural color; I'd dye my hair blue or purple!

At some point in a persons life not only does age have to be addressed; health must be addressed as well.  Some people are naturally health aware but most of us have to make it a priority and a life changing experience to make it stick.  I'm going to use this blog not only to focus on my emotional and spiritual health but also focus on my physical health!  Joseph and I were planning a 30 day challenge around health, (check out our past 30 day challenges HERE), but we never got around to it, and I want this to be something I can conquer in my own way on my own timeline.  So here's to aging well and a healthy future!  What do you guys think about how society views women aging?    

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Chapter Two: Label Me

In our society we're often told it's wrong to put labels on people and ourselves, but I want to be labeled!  Not labeled in a judgmental sort of way, but labeled as in "defined".  My first obvious label is woman or wife, but what kind of woman or wife am I?  Am I a brave woman or am I reserved and introverted?  Maybe I am both depending on the situation I'm in.  Am I a spiritual woman?  What does it mean to be a spiritual person anyway?  Do spiritual people only attend church and pray, or can I find spirituality in other non-conventional ways such as; travel, reading, meeting new people, being in nature, meditation, etc.  I feel by answering these kinds of questions about myself, I'm in turn defining myself!
 

Photo Source

Here are a some labels I'm striving for:  Brave, honest, fun, kind, creative, happy, loving, secure, and strong.
  

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Chapter One: Introductions

Hi!  My name is Jill Adams; I live in northern Texas with husband, Mini Schnauzer, and two Russian Blue cats.  My husband and I moved to Texas from Utah about four months ago to start our own business and make a new life for ourselves. The experience has been quite the ride so far and we're just getting started!  But, this blog isn't about that; this blog is a personal, even vulnerable blog about my journey in defining myself.

I've been blogging over four years and still do blog J&J Chronicles HERE, but I felt it was time to start a new project.  I've been wanting to start this blog for months and I have to tell you, this blog isn't what I had originally planned it to be.  I'd been thinking a lot about the content and subject matter, and this has turned into a project; more like a journey or experiment and this blog is the platform.  I'm an inward thinker; I'm always thinking about who I am as a person, what are my skills and talents, what makes me happy, and all those big huge questions everyone of us think about but might feel foolish to talk about out loud.  We all love those wonderful profound thoughts from the great writers and poets, and I swear the most common thing shared on Pinterest are deep and inspiring thoughts and quotes in bold print with funky fonts, but have we ever stopped to think what happened before those deep thoughts were coined?

The first thing you have to do when starting a blog is name it.  I started thinking about experiences in my life that have helped shape who I am right now, good and bad.  This train of thought brought me to think about all of the people in my life that have influenced me, and there are so many people.  I can't say that I am who I am because of me alone.  Sure, I'd like to think that all of my own choices and beliefs have defined me:  I'm a republican, I believe in choice not chance, I believe in hard work not hand outs, I believe forging my own path not living by luck alone, blah, blah, blah.  While thinking about this blog, I realized I can't take the conservative route on this journey; too many people and experiences have shaped who I am today.

Because of Joseph I'm free to start this journey.  I'm confident that with his support and knowing that because of his love for me, I can begin this experiment.  I thought naming my blog Joseph Adams or Most Wonderful Husband in the World would be odd, and this blog isn't about him specifically.  However, Joseph and I have made creativity and innovation so much of our lifestyle, and I am so thankful for him and his influence.  I chose to call my blog Millee Margaret, it's a sweet name isn't it?  It's the name I chose for my daughter.  My experience of losing her started my first real experience of self reflection.  Margaret is my mom, and who doesn't have mother issues now days?  Don't worry mom, this isn't going to be that kind of blog; dishing about things I wish my mother would have done differently when I was a child.  But, mothers do play a huge, gigantic role in shaping their children;  I have to address my mother in this blog.  I'm sure I'll reflect on other family members and friends I've met along the way, and even some animals.  I also write poems and am going to bring back "high/low"!  (More on high/low later.)

So here it is:  Millee Margaret, a tribute blog for my daughter and a journey about finding and defining myself through creativity, faith, and reflection.  I hope by sharing what I'm experiencing now and what I have experienced in my past will somehow help or inspire others.  I hope you will feel free to share your experiences with me; I am always inspired by others. 

Joseph illustrated this picture for my blog header.  

I love it, It represents Millee perfectly! 

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